Monday, May 2, 2016


Some time ago I told the bitter story of Gabriel and I. That first love, failed love, that seed of love that could not grow. Today I want to tell you a reunion that turned out to be very sweet and sour.

After Ferdinand I didn't be the same, I say, no one returns to be equal after the first love, falling in love for the first time; I believe that no one returns to be the same after your heart ended up split into a thousand pieces.

Well, so it happened to me, I had two guys with whom I lasted about a year with each one. But then, both agreed to tell me that I was a girl with a cold and very selfish heart, broke them heart and that I didn't care. The truth, it was not intentional, I was disappointed too love and every day I missed my black eyes boy, trying to show it on them; of course it was a big mistake, but at the time I didn't realise.

They say that when you dream of someone important to you that someone you thought; the truth I do not know if it is true but I dreamed almost every night with Gabriel. And he hoped that it would come the day when we meet again.

So that a couple of months ago I went back to my small town to spend a good time with my family, visit the old sites frequented and relive memories.

There's cold from already depressed me much, then one evening, while walking in the car with my parents, for some reason, it occurred to me to look for it among the people, would despair? Perhaps he just wanted to know if she still loved him as raised by my mind or if all this had become a simple and painful whim.

My father was driving and I was talking with my mother, and I just wanted to see him, even for a second, so he does not see me. My heart needed to see him, I needed to take that pain for four years because does not hurt, but burned.

That evening I did not see it, and in the evening before sleeping thought it was crazy, "God, what was thinking? For what I wanted to see it? To return to cry? "No, no".

That night I went back to mourn him thinking about how happy we would be if at least one of the two would have broken the wall of ice that did not stop us loving us as we wanted to.

The next morning, my parents asked me to buy a few things at the grocery store, they were busy, so I could not get me in the car, I smoothly grabbed a taxi.

Also say that when someone you look, by instinct, your back look to that person, or at least you have the feeling that someone looks at you. I say this because while I was in the taxi that was stopped at the light, I saw my cell phone looking for a good song when I felt that I had to look forward, I didn't know why. It felt as if my brain, or my heart I shouted "HEY! Mira! There later! look! look! "."

I abruptly raised the look, and Yes, he was there.

I noticed right away that when I looked up to see he looked elsewhere, it was with some friends, but he was returning to see every couple of seconds. It was strange, the minute that the taxi was stopped at the traffic light, and that Exchange of glances, the time felt like an eternity.

The destination is at times, say, funny; I Googled it and did not find it. And when I had my mind on other things he found me. The last time that I saw him he got in a taxi, and now he was in a taxi. Four years later, he had not changed, still seemed the adolescent that I fell, four years I cried for him, I thought on it, which I tried to replace it, and I thought that I was loving it.

But behold, my heart reacted, when the taxi started, a phrase in my mind was more than clear: "Is not the same". And those five words were an echo in my mind the rest of the day, I spent very distracted, thinking about that small time, and the phrase that came out of it deep in me...

"It is not the same thing" is already not the same? It remains the same, physically; but this is no longer the same.

Indeed, it was no longer the same, and took me the whole day in decipherment. Anyone would think or say that, quite possibly, rediscover us, when after having hidden this love so time, when our lives coincided again, him or me we run towards each other and finally never let us go, tell us with a kiss what words cannot. Love with all our hearts for the rest of the time, and against all odds. As what you see in the movies or something hehe.

But not, it did not, he seemed to not care and I, well I stayed quiet, I became a stone at that time. It was not the same, I realized that love became fad, or perhaps it was true what my two previous guys told me; perhaps I became cold and seeing the person that made me so would grow to hate on me. But no, I simply thought that not worth keep crying it, or continue to think that he loved him, because it wasn't so. I imagined myself in five years, and it wasn't there, was not the past four years, was not part of my life even when our love was evident in the eyes of all. Somehow I got tired of this way of expressing what you feel for the other, it was just staring, that hurt, much. And I already had enough of that.

But my mind still at times playing my games, and sometimes my heart trusts in that only the person that engulfed your heart of cold and painful ice can melt this same, that you feel for your first love, so don't be the first person in your life, you never feel in a long time, unless you are with someone better or equal to the first person with which you flechΓ³ Cupid.

Despite these small battles in my head, now I'm happy. Having seen by that small time opened my borders, I released. I don't live to cling to his memory, already not painful not to have it; I still do not know is if I'm still loving him or not. Time will tell, I am not eager to know it either. It is confusing and perhaps contradictory, but after this small reunion (if you can call it that) I can say that I'm ready to love again, either Gabriel or someone else. And that, is an incredible feeling.

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